Emily Ryan, Iowa State’s All-Big 12 guard and four-year starter, revealed on Thursday that she’s battled a mental illness that led to an eating disorder.
Ryan posted a five-minute recorded YouTube message to her social media as part of World Mental Health Day.
The Claflin, Kansas, native said she wanted to share her story to “… build awareness and provide hope to everyone else fighting an invisible battle.”
Ryan detailed the stages that led up to her mental illness. During her junior year in 2022-23 she said that she had reached a point where she wasn’t making improvements in her game, no matter what she tried.
At first, she said she focused on building improvements to her body and her athleticism, but extra sessions in the weight room only worked to a point.
So started working on her diet and that worked. Her choice, she said, was reinforced by the fact that the Iowa State Cyclones were winning. So she stayed with it, to a point where she said she became “fixated” on it.
Leading up to last season, one in which Ashley Joens had graduated and other stars transferred, Ryan said she became “more obsessive than ever” with her eating habits and her body began to shut down.
Ryan said that her fixation turned into an eating disorder, diagnosed by the Iowa State medical team. But she said she brushed it off.
“I was in complete denial,” she said. “I didn’t fit the mold of someone who would have an eating disorder and in my mind there is no way something like that could ever happen to me.”
She said she wasn’t able to eat enough to keep up with the demands of basketball and after her health got worse she was pulled from the team one month before the season started. Ryan missed the first nine games of the season.
She said she felt “guilty” about how it spun out of control and felt she let her teammates and coaches down.
Ryan returned, but only when it was safe for her to play. She averaged 11.6 points, 6.9 assists and 4.5 rebounds per game and was named to the Big 12 Tournament team.
Even though she played well, she admitted that she struggled, saying that she barely had enough energy to play some days. She said she “…had to find the strength to put on a smile and act like nothing was wrong.”
Ryan opted to use her COVID waiver and return for a fifth year. To outsiders, that probably seemed like a foregone conclusion. But, for Ryan, she said something had to change if she wanted to play one more year.
So, this summer, Ryan said she spent 88 days at a an eating disorder facility in Denver.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Ryan said. “I was able to leave treatment with a new belief that my value as a person is greater than what I can do on a basketball court. It took a long time, but I finally came to the understanding that being sick, it wasn’t my fault and eating disorders are real, complex illnesses.”
Ryan and the Cyclones are considered one of the best teams in the country going into this season. ESPN ranked them No. 8 in their Top 25 and the AP preseason Top 25 will come out later this month.
The Cyclones star expressed her gratitude to be able to play one more season at ISU and to use her struggle to help others.
“My goal is that we emphasize the importance of athletes seeing themselves and being seen by others as real people, people who are special for the person they are and not just what they accomplish,” she said.
You can find Matthew Postins on Twitter @PostinsPostcard.
