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If Every Big 12 Football Team Was an Alcoholic Beverage…

NCAA Football: Big 12 Media Days

Yeah, it’s that time of year again. That time where we are desperately trying to find anything that has to do with college football. We are now officially under 100 days until kickoff but until then, talking, daydreaming and most likely arguing about college football. So, to get those creative juices flowing sometimes I need a little liquid encouragement. While enjoying my beverage I looked down at it and started to drift off for a minute. During that drift, I wondered if my beverage (it was a Crown Royal on the rocks) was a Big 12 football team, which team would it be like? The flavor, the after taste, the strength of the drink etc. So, after pondering, I thought to myself why the hell not? Let’s make it happen. Before the backlash in the comments or on twitter, these are just my general thoughts. Obviously, my taste buds and choices are most likely going to be different than yours.

Oklahoma Sooners: Old Fashioned

At some point in your lifetime, you have probably had an old fashioned. It’s something that is classy, old school and most likely, your grandfather drank it and you weren’t sure why he liked it so much. But once you had that first refreshing taste, you though to yourself, “I could get used to this!” Sure, sometimes it can be a bit bitter during a short period (like the Iowa State loss) of time but overall, it’s a damn fine drink. It’s a winner in my book.

TCU Horned Frogs: Screwdriver

Who knew the taste of a morning drink and vodka could taste so good and made to start your day. Using a good quality orange juice (no pulp for me) and a nice vodka and boom, solid drink for a solid program like TCU. While this is a fantastic drink, it probably isn’t your favorite drink especially if you are drinking for an extended period. The good news? Not only can you catch a buzz (Maybe even a sugar buzz), you’re also getting your daily dose of vitamin C.

 

Oklahoma State Cowboys: Margarita

Maybe a bit flashy or fruity for some, but it can really be refreshing paired with some great Mexican food or on a hot summer day. Sometimes you want the biggest margarita on the menu and by the time you’re finished you start to feel the buzz and it feels good. That is until you forget your wallet or misplace your cell phone. If you have one or a few of these, you can easily forget to show up to something important that you were supposed to be at (like the K-State game). Mike Gundy must be a salt-the-rim guy, right?

Texas Longhorns: Tito’s Vodka

In case you didn’t know, Tito’s Vodka is made in Austin where the Longhorns call home. Is Tito’s Vodka good? Yes, it is but is it great? Not in my book. Price wise it is above the lower tier vodkas at your local liquor store, but at the same time it isn’t exactly top shelf. Tito’s is kind of like Texas, as it’s still trying to find its way to the top. Be careful, like this team it can get you to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

West Virginia Mountaineers: Moonshine

These two go hand in hand, right? I personally haven’t been to Morgantown on gameday, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a few mason jars being passed around. I know the stuff you get at the store isn’t like the homemade stuff (don’t ask me how I know). When you taste it, it can have that burn in the back of your throat, but it can get the job done quickly. The good news? If you are looking to burn your couch, I am sure this stuff is completely flammable. Cue “Country Roads!”

Kansas State Wildcats: Whisky and Coke

A little boring? I guess so. Good? Absolutely! This drink is about as smooth and cool as the Purple Wizard himself. Depending on how you like it, the drink itself could be a little unbalanced (strong or weak) just like the Wildcats offense at times running the football like the it’s 1950. No matter how plain and simple the drink might be, everyone seems to like it and it gets the job done.

 

Iowa State Cyclones: Busch Light

Speaking of going hand in hand, this may be the best pair on the list. You know why? Iowa state fans LOVE some Busch Light. Hell, they have even drank a few towns dry on past bowl trips. The beer represents the hardworking fan base that Iowa State has. While other fan bases may not understand the love of the beer, Cyclones fans don’t care. I could see Matt Campbell crushing a few of these.

Texas Tech Red Raiders: Keystone Light

Do people still buy this stuff? Back when Mike Leach was running the show, I would have a much better drink for Texas Tech, but that ship has sailed, and things could get worse. If you are desperate, it could probably do the job, but you are going to pay like hell for it the next day. Remember Keith Stone? How cool he and “smooth” he was? Where the hell is that guy now? I just hope we don’t ask the same question about Kliff Kingsbury this time next year.

Baylor Bears: Gin and Tonic

Although some may find this drink refreshing, I certainly don’t care for it. Not really a gin guy and this drink would be way down on my drink list. So after a rough season last year, this drink fits for Baylor. Is it possible to feel good after a few of these? Probably, but it’s going to give you that dry taste in your mouth after you finish it. A 1-11 season will leave a dry taste in your mouth too.

Kansas Jayhawks: Cheap Vodka

Do I really need to explain myself here? Kansas is like going to buy booze and buying the cheapest vodka on the shelf and not caring if it tastes like rubbing alcohol because you need to forget a lot of things.

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